don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
