Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
