alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
