how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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