What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
