In the future we'll all be gay
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My cat gives me a boner
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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