the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize