she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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