Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
