So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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