3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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