Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
