# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
