I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
