I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
