just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
