we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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