Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
