And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
