I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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