i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
