Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize