her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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