I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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