don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
