Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
