Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
