You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
