good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
