I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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