Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
