yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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