Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
