woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
