It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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