butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He better not be in your backpack
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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