I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
