Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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