I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
