The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
