Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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