he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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