Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
