Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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