So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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