it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't deserve a penis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
