The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
