god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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