I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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