i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
