So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
