dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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