This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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