In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
