i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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