he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize