I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
