you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
