You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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