once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
