HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
