Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
