Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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