i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
