I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
