i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
