i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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