I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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