About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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