help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
