my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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