Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize