Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
