i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
