He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
