I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
