Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someone shit on the floor
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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