oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
