Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
