i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
