You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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