We're facebook friends in real life
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
