oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
