she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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