dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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