I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
